INS jokes
Do you like pudding? Pudding deez nuts in your mouth!
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning,
It's great being a sniper.
What’s the difference between a pile of babies and a Tesla?
I don’t have a Tesla in my garage.
What's the difference between my ass and the toddlers in my uncle's basement?
My ass doesn't cry when he sticks it in late at night.
What do computers and white kids have in common? They don't have trouble shooting.
A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...
Bully 1 to Bully 2: You're ugly.
Bully 2: Look in a mirror.
Bully 1: Just because it worked for you doesn't mean it will work for everyone else.
What is the good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in school zones.
What has four legs and one arm? A Doderman in a playground.
How can a guy do stand up comedy in a wheelchair?
How to Make an Orphan cry
Step 1: Talk about Home.
Step 2: Ask them where their parents are.
Step 3: Say, "Bye Bye," and push them in the Batmobile!
I was in an audition for the lead role of movie "Aquaman." The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie.
Shame on you Penaldo for destroying my dream!
How to be a hero.
1. Tie a noose in your front yard.
2. Find and capture a furry.
3. Hang that furry because they deserve it.
It’s easy as 1-2-3!
A girl walks in the room. She asks her mom, "Why's my name Flower?" Her mom said, "When you were born, a flower fell on your head." Brick walks in the room. Jasvidnqzkdvsosbd.
Why can't I talk in the dark?
Because I'm anonymous.
Why can't pirates play cards in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
What do an orphan and a homeless person have in common?
They have no one to call "Dad."
What do you say when going for a dunk in basketball?
"Kobe crash!"
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."
My dad died in 9/11... He was the best pilot I know.