INS jokes

My life is so sad it's because you're in it.

Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.

Whoever invented religions, they fucked up.

We got all kinds of retarded adults believing in mythologies.

I saw a kid in a wheelchair, and he was getting bullied. I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

In my mother's generation, they grew up with Wonder Woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she's a woman.

Why do pedophiles come in last place for every race... because they are always in the back (if you know what I mean)?

Worst jokes ever? More like I killed an old man in 2012 in Oklahoma City at that nasty Red Lobster, not the one near the freeway, and hid the body in a creek!

There are three people on the steps of Heaven. God tells them all he is having a good day and if they make him laugh by telling him how they died, he will let them in.

The first one said, "I just finished a long day of work and I get home, and right as I stepped in, I knew my wife was cheating on me. I searched everywhere and I couldn’t find anybody, so I got a drink and went to the balcony, and then I saw him, hanging off the ledge of the balcony. I kicked his hands, but he wouldn’t fall, so I threw a Refrigerator at him, and I fell with the Refrigerator."

God busted out laughing and let him in.

The next person walked up and God told him the same thing he told the other person. God told him that he didn’t think that he could make him laugh more than the first person. The second guy said, "So get this, I’m a window washer on the 8th floor. I’m washing the windows like normal, and this enraged psychopath walks up and starts kicking my hands, and then he throws a refrigerator at me and I die."

God bursts out laughing so much to where he falls off his chair, and he lets the guy through. The next guy comes up and God tells him the same thing he told the last two people, and he tells him that there is no way that he can make him laugh more than the other two did. So he starts talking. "So get this, I’m in a refrigerator..."

You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.

Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.

dont make jokes about the accident my dad died in it he was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia :(

What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

Kids turn them on.

Your hairline is so bad that it turned Wonder Woman into Failure Man.

A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.

“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

Pin drop silence in the class!

"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”

I saw some kids bullying a kid in a wheelchair. I grabbed the kid, pushed him down the stairs, and said, "GTA physics."

What happens to Stephen Hawking when he logs in to his account on Google when it says, "I am not a robot?"

Why did the judge dismiss court when the orphan walked in?

Even a gay prison wouldn't want him.

Why did the bounty hunter not cash in an orphan?

He was not worth keeping.

It's the 1940s.

The chink was counting his shillings. The chink was bitching. His wife got raped in Nanking. The chink counts his shillings.

The chink gets sook chinged!

You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...

Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.