INS jokes

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9/11

    • You know how 7 ate 9? Why was 10 scared? It's because he was in the middle of 9/11. 🤣

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    • Song

    • What’s the worst song to play in front of a vegetable? “James Brown - Get on Up”

    What’s the worst song to play in front of a handicapped kid? “Van Halen - Jump”

    What's the worst song to play in front of a black man in Minneapolis? “I Can't Breathe - Juice Wrld”

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    Stereotype

    • In a thick Russian accent:

    "Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."

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    • Shampoo

    • My friend's 4-year-old daughter made up this joke.

    What kind of poo should you put in your hair?

    Shampoo.

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    Mom

    • Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."

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    • Sex

    • One day, Little Johnny came home with his girlfriend and told his dad, "We're gonna go to my room and do some homework." His dad said okay. Five minutes later, Little Johnny's dad heard noises coming from his room, so he went to go see what it was, and all he heard was, "Baby, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh." Little Johnny's dad started banging on the door and said, "Little Johnny, what are you doing in there?" Then Little Johnny said, "Dad, we're just having sex." Then Little Johnny's dad said, "Oh, I thought you were listening to some Justin Bieber up in here."

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    Clock

    • One day a man dies and goes to heaven. He gets there and sees a bunch of clocks. He asks Jesus, "Hey, what are the clocks for?" Jesus replies, "They move every time you sin." "This is Mother Teresa's, it has not moved so she has not sinned." "This one is Abraham Lincoln's, it has moved twice so he sinned twice." The man asks, "Where is Joe Biden's?" Jesus replies, "It's in my office-- I'm using it as a ceiling fan."

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    Orphan

    • What part is usually missing in an orphan’s computer system?

    Motherboard.

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    • Mailman

    • One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

    Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."

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    • Stepfather

    • On my 21st Birthday, my mom told me, "I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child, you're going to get something good, something you've been looking forward to," is what my mom said.

    Me, my mom, and my only friend celebrated my Birthday, then we all went to sleep. I woke up the next day. I asked, "Hey, where's my gift you said you got me?" My mom said, "Since your father left us, you have no father figure in your life, so this is your new stepfather." The only thing is, it was my only friend.

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