INS jokes
What do Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common? They both get turned on by kids.
Guess why a lot of orphans were in "Home Alone"? Because their family left them.
I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.
What do Jesus and I have in common?
No one knows my real bday either.
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
Huh, I’m pregnant again. Must be something in the air.
Yeah, your legs.
I've been trying to use Google Maps in Ukraine, but I couldn't because I only saw Russia.
I must have raped a woman in a skip. She said she felt rubbish.
When you get injured 😢
When you get injured in America 😭😭😭😭💵💵💵💵💵🏩🏩🏩
When you name yourself Twin Towers and Terrorist in Kahoot:
"Twin Towers" is on fire🔥
"Terrorist" is on a streak of 2.
What do orphans, parents, and trees have in common? They leafed.
"Black midget porn is in 911."
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because when they spawned in a Minecraft world, all they got was plains.
Why can't an emo person be in charge of sky diving?
He won't deploy the parachute.
What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?
I would never put a canoe in my garage.
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, Daddy came in with the lady next door, and they started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off Daddy’s clothes, and Daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of Daddy and started...”.
The mother cuts him off and says, “Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” A couple hours later, the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face, shouting, “I’m leaving you... Go ahead, Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door, and you both started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off your clothes, and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing Mom did with Uncle Joe last summer.”
Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.
Where do fishes keep their money?
In a riverbank.
What are the two hottest cities in the world? Hiroshima and Nagasaki.