INS jokes
Without Ronaldo, United would have been: - Eliminated from the UCL in groups! - 13th in the league!
Without Messi, PSG would have been: - Still 1st in the league. - Better chance at beating RM in the UCL.
Who's supposed to be the goat?
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like everyone else in the plane.
Q: What do Burger King and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: They put meat on five-year-old buns.
I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.
... It was a bittersweet victory.
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Jessica, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.
I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.
Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”
My friend was the only one who laughed.
BLM be like black lives matter everyone in this chat :). BLM= Bang Local MLFS.
If a gay person is vegan, how does he have sex? He will keep getting meat stuck in his ass and in his throat.
Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.
Did you know that chips taste like the baked potato in things called bags of chips?
What did one orphan say to another orphan?
"Get in the batmobile, Robin!"
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one!
Your mom is like a penny: two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants.
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"
What do you call a black person in a swimming pool?
Coco Pops.
what song did people in Hiroshima listen to?
"Here Comes the Sun."
Why did the teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't get even.
Me running from the principal because I put ten woman's rights books in the fictional section!
Why did the Star Wars movies come out 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3?
Yoda was in charge of scheduling.