INS jokes
What did the moose say after leaving the gay bar?
"Man, I blew 50 bucks in there."
Why are most politicians in the closet or gay?
Because all they can do is mandate.
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"
Two Indians talk over a long distance using smoke signals.
In the middle of the conversation, a nuclear bomb explodes behind one of them, and a huge cloud of smoke rises silently into the sky.
The other Indian signals with smoke: "Not so loud!"
What does a kid who has autism and reading have in common?
Absolutely nothing.
Dad: "Honey, I'll be right back. I need to get some papers."
Me: "Okay." *Falls asleep.*
*Wakes up in an adoption center.*
Damn, it was those kind of papers.
Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.
Ever wondered how Jesus got rid of the cross that killed him?
Burned it in a hellish fire to make some firewood.
You got no lotion to masturbate, then you remember there's some leftover porridge in the fridge. 😌🤎😇
What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?
"Halloumi, who's the tastiest of them all?"
My dad died in 9/11.
He was the best pilot I ever knew.
Hey guys! Want to know something cool? Google Jesus' language. It's Aramaic.
Next, google "God in Aramaic". See the results for yourself. <3
What's the definition of suspicious?...
A nun doing sit-ups in a cucumber field. 💀
Yo mama is so old that when she was in history class as a kid, all they learned about was themselves!
Your hair goes so far back in time, even cavemen saw it!
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. It's not dead, just afraid to move.
Chuck Norris heard that nothing in the world could kill him.
So he tracked down nothing in the world and killed it.
A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells, “I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader!”
A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him. Later, he brings the man to Stalin. The soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man, “Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets?”
The man responds, “Of course, I was thinking about Hitler!”
Stalin lets him go, but then he stops the soldier and says, “Who were YOU thinking about?”
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
Why is hangman always done in black ink?
To make it more realistic.