INS jokes
Why was the leper hockey game canceled?
It was because of a face-off in the corner.
Why are there no fat people in Japan?
Last time they had a "Fat Man," 80,000 people died.
How do you blind an Asian?
Put a windshield in front of them.
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
New business idea: let's put a KFC in Africa and a watermelon shop.
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?
Because they blow up in your face.
Don’t you hate it when you are driving in a school zone and the speed bump starts screaming?
What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?
The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.
What’s the first thing you should do if an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in your dirty laundry!
I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.
I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims – they went 89 stories in ten seconds.
What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
Spelling!
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school? Hisssssstory.
Why shouldn’t you call people in China?
Because there are so many Wings and Wongs you might "wing" the wrong number.
The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.
But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.
One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."
What do a gay man and an ambulance have in common?
They both take it in the back and go “whoot whoot.”
How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?
Once you take away the legs and the breasts, you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his mom was in a jam!