INS jokes
Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?
Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.
What do you call intelligent people in the U.S.?
Tourists.
Two twins were talking in class. I threw a paper airplane at one of them.
My dad was a great pilot...
He died in 9/11.
My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.
So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"
I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"
My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.
I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.
I just cut everyone.
I put the fun in dysfunctional.
Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine.
"How would you describe yourself in three words?"
"Lazy!"
Why does Ezra Miller’s Flash run in a straight line in The Flash movie? Bro ain’t straight.
What do priests and McDonald's have in common? They both shove their meat between 10-year-old buns.
Q: Why do I always see gays in the roundabout?
A: They couldn’t go straight.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
They both used to be straight.
What do emos and unsalted popcorn have in common?
They're both white and flavorless.
At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.
A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone that knows you.
A man finds out his wife is cheating on him with his best friend, so he hires a hitman to shoot his wife in the head, and his friend in the balls. The hitman charges $100 per bullet. The man agrees.
Later, they set up, and the hitman looks through the scope and says, “I can save you $100!”
A man was in a courtroom. The judge said, "What should this man's punishment be?"
A random guy yelled, "Off with his head!"
The judge said, "He shall give head to every man in this room."
The guy yelled, "Wait, that's not what I said!"
What is red, pink, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
What is green, brown, and goes round and round?
The same baby 3 weeks later.
What do you call intelligent people in America?
Tourists.