Incident jokes
When you're the only one bullying the weird kid and you're absent on the day he shoots up the school. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
Today; worst day ever.
My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.
Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio the night she died?
To be honest, she was on the whole dashboard too.
I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.
What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
Did you hear about the boy who got raped by a group of women in the park whilst jogging? Now there are lots of male joggers in the area.
RIP Harambe.
Why did Mary fall off the swings?
She got hit by a refrigerator.
They named a road after George Floyd. It was a dead end, though.
"What happened to your arm?" "Oh, uh... I became a gacha emo."
Why did Jeffrey get blood on his shoe?
Because this teen just started her period!
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)
Yo mama so fat, when she went sky diving everyone screamed "METEOR!!!"
Today sucked. My friend fell off a cliff, and I went to jail.
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she died by a flying brick!
We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:
1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.
2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.
3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).
When does a pentagon only have 4 sides?
When a plane hits it.