Incident jokes
What is one of the worst but funniest incidents ever: a bullet in a baby in a baggy in a barrel in a bus in a nuclear plant were all of the employee's are molesters?
When does a pentagon only have 4 sides?
When a plane hits it.
This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.
Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.
Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.
The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"
Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."
I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.
What happened when the 400+ women ate a slice of cake?
She died the next weekend.
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
I told a 9/11 joke to my friends today.
It didn't land well.
Got fired from the bank yesterday.
They caught me drinking on the job.
Why did Mary fall off the swings?
She got hit by a refrigerator.
Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)
Yesterday, a guy threw a liter of milk at me.
How dairy!
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she got shot. Dumb bitch!
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
VOTING FINAL This vote is for the best School Shooter joke of the month.
LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.
Vote for the better joke and the Joke of the Month will be announced in the comments tomorrow.
My dad was in the plane in 9/11, and he was the smart one that convinced everyone. He said, "We're fucked."
Today in class, I screamed "Jenga!"
We were watching a 9/11 documentary.
When I got to school, they gave me an Acer laptop, so I went up to the teacher and aced her.
So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.