Im jokes
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, I'm just a burden.
I've spent most of my life avoiding conflict. That's why I'm never intending to visit Syria.
Hi, I'm Nate. How are you guys doing?
Hello people, my name is Osama.
I'm back from the dead and I want to blow you.
My sister is really disrespectful, and her famous words are, "You're not my parent!" The next time she says this, I'm going to respond back with, "You're right, because I would have worn a condom to protect from you being born unlike my dad did!"
对不起,我是卧底。
(Duìbùqǐ, wǒ shì wòdǐ.)
Sorry, I'm an undercover.
Your Friend: Bro, I'm having a movie sleepover tonight. I've invited 17 people, wanna come?
You: Yeah, but why so many people?
Your Friend: Because the DVD says only 18+ viewers.
You: Dude!!!!
Katgod, can you get your girlfriend? She's messing with me, and I'm gonna hurt soon.
I got to work.
Ben: Oh no, my boss is here. I hate my job and I'm terrified of my boss.
Ben: Uh, hey, hey Mr. Boss.
Boss: Have a nice day.
Ben: Ok, bye!
Boss:??
"Prince, I'm ready to chat when you are. I'm in bed, so yeah, let's chat! Love you!"
I'm never going bungee jumping because a cord bridged me into the world. It's not taking me out.
I’ll always remember my father’s last words: “I’m gonna sleep for a little.”
Hey babe, I’m looking to get 23 years in 23 seconds, can you help?
I'd tell you a joke about infinity, but I'm afraid it will never end.
I'm the joke, bitch.
You know what a big ass is. If I told you it's a fake ass, so I'm lesbo.
A sibling went up to their other sibling and said, "Dad said you're adopted."
The other sibling said, "You are, too."
Then the first sibling goes, "No, I'm not."
And the sibling says, "We're twins."
The other kid goes, "And you're adopted... oh."
"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"
Connor: Hi Mom.
Mom:
Connor: I forgot I'm adopted to 2 dads!
I had some puns about construction, but I'm still working on them.