ill unplug your life support for my phone thats about to die
rape victim: i want to die
man: hang in there
rape victim: thats what ill do, ill hang myself
my dad said ill get the milk but he forgot i was i his car
stop sign: if you speed ill call your parents orphans: going 180
My friend while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: You're priceless When we get to the checkout: I'm actually $2.50
sorry for all the jokes, ill end it
What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him "What are you doing?!" Exclaims the priest
"There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"
The priest shakes his head
"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" He says
"Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school."
Ill never forget my grampa's last words, "stop shaking the ladder you cunt"
little jonny bad ass was sitting on a porch one day and a preacher was in the house little jonny bad ass had to use the bathroom so he bangs on the door saying mom i half to use the bathroomn his mom ses wait so little jonny bad ass sow a hat on the step he lookes around and pulls his pants down and shits in the hat well a few later the preacher comes out and ses i see u have my hat well little jonny bad ass ses ya i cout the wolds fasts berd the preacher ses well let me see him little jonny bad ass ses no i dont know well the preacher ses ill put my handes by the hat you lift and ill cach him well little jonny bad ass lifted the hat and the preacher clapt his handes and little jonny bad ass ses now see the bird don shit and ran.
Patient: doctor every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up what's wrong with me? Doctor: I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.
Dad: Ill pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie Next day: Dad: son what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen? Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life gosh dad your embarrassing. The dad sulked for 3 whole years Proof that words really can hurt
Michael Jakson gets really ill so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there he says 'am i in heaven?' The doctor replies 'Nah sir we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward.'
By the law you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle
so my friend died i was at her casket i said ill see you on the other side so i went to the other side of the casket
ill give you 20 dollars if you let me cum in you
I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored I draw on my hands with pen, well this guy walks up to me and says “ you know I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself” and so without thinking I said “ well I’ve already got those so I think I’m fine.... 😳he looked concerned. Oops lol
i bet a disabled kid on a wheelchair that if he could catch me ill give him 1000 dollars he said deal and i went upstairs
Drop me in afghanistan with a cigar, a kobe jersey, a mac-10, a lambo huricane with a bumper delete and a toyota tacoma with a m249 on the back. Then Ill have afghanistan by the 51 state by midnight.
Drop me in afghanistan with a dodge challenger super stock, a mexican named jose, a 6 pack of dr.pepper, a golden scar, a pack of chimichangas and a M4A1 and ill have the taliban saying the pledge of allegence in 4 hours.
