If jokes

Why can't Michael Jackson play chess? Because he doesn't know if he is black or white.

There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.

What would you call the Eiffel Tower if it falls over? The I Fell Tower!

What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.

ssundee: "If this video gets to 100k likes, I'll post part 2."

SSUNDEE WIFE: "SHUT THE #### UP!"

If Stephen Hawking was so fucking smart, why hasn't he learned to walk yet?

China has a population of a billion people. One billion.

That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.

The twin towers are like water bottles.

It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

I asked a French man if he played videogames, and he said, "Wii!"

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, girls would find me attractive.

Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.

Don’t worry if you have a stroke.

You’ll be all right.

Kobe would still be alive if he would have gone to jail for raping that girl.

Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.

How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.

I wonder if the sun is going to rise every morning. Then it dawns on me.

If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?

A swallow.

Why do shepherds never learn to count?

Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.

A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."