If jokes

Kobe would still be alive if he would have gone to jail for raping that girl.

Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.

How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.

I wonder if the sun is going to rise every morning. Then it dawns on me.

If I were alone on an island with Camilla Cabello, and we were never going to escape, I'd rape her. I mean, what is she going to do? Tell someone?

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."

My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*

Me: Yea-

My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*

Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-

If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?

My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!

I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!

I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.

How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.

When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.

If the minions serve whoever is the biggest bad, then who did they serve 1930-1945?

You look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if I give you this flower, will you finger my bum?

If you’re ever bored, then go outside and punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell, their parents?

What is it called if you give 100 disabled people guns?

Special Forces.

Bestfriend @3am: I love you.

Me: Love you too.

*wait whatttttttttttttttttttt*

I don't know if this is funny.

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?

Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.

What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."