If jokes

Here in IHOP, we serve pancakes, not pie cakes. If so, we can always bring in a chart that will power the customer. His smile will remain at its current form, and police surely resisted when I said the word "surely."

If you ever get chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.

They're trained for that.

Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."

The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"

If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"

If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 10-hour Energy?

Even if there was no gravity, I'd still fall for you.

If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?

Rules of dark humor.

1. Everything shall be touched.

2. If it offends someone, it shall not be touched.

There are only 2 genders: if you have a dick, or a pussy.

Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?

You'd run away too if your name was OAhHhPrhhHK.

If 2 + 2 is 4, and 4 + 4 is 8, then that must mean I can lick your pussy.

One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!

How do you know if a rapper is hungry?

They start dropping BEATS at the dinner table.

If you are a banana, why don't you eat a banana?

Oh right, you'd be a cannibal. I mean a banan-i-ball.

I would kiss your lips, but your legs are blocking the way.

If you know, you know. 😏😏

Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."

Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."

I don’t know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasn’t Asian because people wouldn’t ask him to take the wheel.

If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?

If Jeffy goes to an orphanage, he will die. How is he supposed to move?

Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.

And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.

And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"