If jokes

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, girls would find me attractive.

Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.

Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.

Kobe would still be alive if he would have gone to jail for raping that girl.

Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So, fuck feminists.

(Like if you hate feminists.)

I wonder if the sun is going to rise every morning. Then it dawns on me.

How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.

If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?

A swallow.

What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.

I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr*.

On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

If the UK is 6 hours ahead of us, why didn't they just warn us about 9/11?

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "He was a little tardy."

I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.

If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.

It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.

There are only 2 genders: if you have a dick, or a pussy.