If jokes
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, girls would find me attractive.
I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."
Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.
Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.
Kobe would still be alive if he would have gone to jail for raping that girl.
How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.
I wonder if the sun is going to rise every morning. Then it dawns on me.
If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?
Non-profit wh*reganisation.
Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?
Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.
I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?
If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?
A swallow.
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."
How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?
Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.
If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr*.
On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*
Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We'd like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?