If jokes

What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady, but he couldn’t stand up?

I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.

So if you are bored, punch an orphan.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?🙄🙄

Dad: Here you go son, all your toys have gone to the orphanage.

Son: Why, Dad?

Dad: You would be bored there if there was not anything to do.

How do you know if spaghetti is a boy or a girl? It's meatballs.

If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?

A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"

Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.

The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."

Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?

A: By how much he's coffin.

If someone calls you dirty minded just say:

"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."

Why do shepherds never learn to count?

Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.

If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?

Non-profit wh*reganisation.

If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?

Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We'd like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "He was a little tardy."

I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?

It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.

If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr*.

On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*

You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.

What is the difference between a lesbian and a female prostitute?

If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

(some kid crying because hes an orphan and kids are bulling him) teacher:HEY i was a orphan to so if you bully him your basicly trying to bully me too me:OOF teacher:now is somebody not here? me:your parents