If jokes

What's an emo's favorite game?

Limbo.

(If you don't understand the joke, go look up what Limbo is.)

What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?

If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

Hi, if you are suffering with depression and want to talk about it, please do so in the comments, and just know you are NOT alone.

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.

Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."

Kid 1: "As if."

Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

Teacher: "If you don't understand, ask your parents at home."

Orphan: "I don't have neither of those :c"

I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike.

Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would smash and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle.

It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.

The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.

What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?

Transparent.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."

Imagine if on April first the government says, "Hahhaha, you all fell for it. Covid-19 is fake; we actually killed all those people, lol."

If Canadians speak "English Eh?", do Americans speak "English B?"

What's the difference between a Nazi and an onion? If you cut a Nazi, nobody is crying.

If gay means happy, then I am now straight.

If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.

The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.

I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?

Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!

What should you do if the dishwasher breaks?

Kick her.

Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.

Dad: Well, how do you know?

Son: I found the adoption papers.

Dad: That is for your mum.

If you know, you know.