If jokes
Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?
Why is a wet pavement like playing music?
If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.
He is looking for children. If you don't know who EDP445 is, look him up.
Be careful around EDP445.
If Iron Man and Quicksilver teamed up,
They would be alloys.
Teacher: If you keep talking over me, I'll call your parents!
Orphan: You will?
I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."
What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'
'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.
Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?
Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
What's the difference between my sister and my phone? I don't give a damn if my phone dies.
First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.
If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Like if your best friend is emo.
Leave a like if you like sex and porn, and talk to me if you have any questions.
So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."
Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.