If jokes

An apple a day keeps a doctor away... at least if you throw it hard enough.

It's not rape if she doesn't say no.

Two options: - Chloroform. - Duct Tape.

A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating, and said he'll give one shot on the house. The man said, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob. And nah, if 12 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."

I called a suicidal hotline in Iraq and they asked me if I could drive a truck.

If you're ever angry, go ahead and punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.

If you faked the moon mission, don't apollo-gize.

Like if your best friend is emo.

If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."

Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.

What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Stop and apply lubrication.

If Italy attacked France from the rear, would Greece help?

What's the difference between my phone and my sister?

I actually give a damn if my phone dies.

It isn't really rape if you speak different languages. I mean, how is the man supposed to know what she is saying? Those could be tears of joy and screams of pleasure.

It's only rape.

If she finds out.

If I'm racist for voting Trump, then you're a pedophile for voting Biden.

I wonder if the Titanic still sells fish?

If you want to pick on someone, pick on orphans. Let them tell their parents.

Double!

Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!

Triple!

Why did Bob cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

No means no, but if you use chloroform, it’s a guaranteed yes.