If jokes

My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away...

Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.... 🥵🤣

If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.

Why is a wet pavement like playing music?

If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.

He is looking for children. If you don't know who EDP445 is, look him up.

Be careful around EDP445.

If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.

Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.

Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!

Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-

Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!

Teacher: If you keep talking over me, I'll call your parents!

Orphan: You will?

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.

What's the difference between my sister and my phone? I don't give a damn if my phone dies.

Life would be so much easier if grass was emo.

Because it would cut itself.

If you're ever angry, go ahead and punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Like if your best friend is emo.

So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."

Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.

Real quick, I'm autistic, and if anyone asks, I absolutely love some of these jokes. XD I found this while doing some research for a paper.

It's only rape.

If she finds out.

Like this if you laughed.

These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.

I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.

Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.

Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.

Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back. (Clearly someone didn't come back with the milk)

Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.

What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.

Hope you had fun reading this! My friend and I laughed reading all of em!