If jokes

This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."

Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.

There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.

The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

The teacher says, "That's right."

The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

"That's right," the teacher says.

The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.

I hop on Clash Royale. I see Mega Knight. I cry.

Like if you hate the Mega Knight from Clash Royale because I really, really hate it so much!

If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.

If 2 vegetables have an argument, it's called beef.

What do you get if you add "ER" onto Hamburg?

Hamburg-ER.

I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a "fret."

If I busted an egg on your head.... the yolk would be on you... ha ha ha!!!

If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

If 6 is scared of 7 because 7 8 9, why is ten scared? Because it is in the middle of 9/11.

All of the sudden, if you're Republican, you're racist, and Communism is a symbol of freedom? What happened to the proud men our founding fathers were, damn it!

Mom, what happens if you swear at a church?

Well, honey, a tee posing nun with glowing red eyes and nunchucks will beat you.

Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.

If you think this joke is funny, give it a dislike. If you think it is not funny, give it a like.

Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?

A: It means cats and dogs can talk.

How can you tell if a Polish woman is on the rag? One of her socks is missing!

What danger does this put them in? Toxic Sock Syndrome!

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What will happen if someone kicks you right in the balls?

You will be like, "Ow, my nuts!"

Like if you are in high school and miss school!

When the guy asks the girl if she's wet, she replies, "Yeah, milky knickers!"