If jokes

If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?

Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!

Teacher: How many kids are in this classroom?

Kid: 73 if you count the ones you have hid in the basement.

If your sis makes you mad, so go to your friend's home to play.

If your sis is sad, go tell Mom.

Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?

Me: Me.

Friend: *does nothing*

(x_x)

I forgot that I don't have friends.

Mom: It's time for sleep.

Baby: Is that what you think, huh?

Mom: *gives baby pacifier*

Baby: Nice try, hobo.

Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.

*few hours later*

Baby: *still awake*

Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!

Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.

(Only Ninjago fans understand XD)

If you look outside and it's really windy, it's really cloudy, and the sky looks greenish... you better run, 'cause it has to be Morro!

I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.

Fun fact: If you're an orphan, you probably don't know your parents.

If you've been thinking about singing karaoke with a friend, just duet.

If I were to not eat the last biscuit, I would feel "crumby."

If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?

I don't have any friends.

If you like this, I can be your friend :)

I once asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite... He said, "NaBrO."

If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?

I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.

Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."

If a blind person can’t see, then do they sleep?

They’re the night watchers while people who see sleep.

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.

If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."

If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.

Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.