If jokes

Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.

What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.

If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.

If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 2.5-hour Energy?

Q: How do you know if an Asian broke into your house?

A: All your homework and the Rubik's cube you spent a year on and still can’t solve is solved. 🤓🤓🤓🤓

If an orphan wins the lottery, what do they have to use all of it on?

Years of child support!

What if Stephen Hawking was the Real Slim Shady, but no one knew because he couldn't stand up?

Roses are red, Kevin Spacey is gay,

If you'd stayed with your parents, I wouldn't have taken you away.

A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."

"Interesting."

"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.

If you are on here, don’t hate. There will be rude ones, but it doesn’t matter.

I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.

If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There's usually 90 degrees.

Student asks teacher, "If I throw an apple and noodles, which one will fall first?"

Teacher replied, "I don't know."

Then student replied, "Noodles will fall first because noodles are fast foods!"

When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."

If an orphan were to get a takeaway, what’s the home address?

What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?

Time to go to the doctor! 🥼

If there are 12 fish and 6 drown, how many are left?

12, because fish don't drown.

What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!

What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!

What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!

My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.

So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.

In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.