If jokes

How does the earth rate its sex?

Earthquake, Cataclysm, Volcano explosion, Earth's core explodes.

If the earth's core explodes, then he got tore up!

Hi Leyla, I have been trying to reach you for a while. Where have you been? I was wondering if you wanted to chat.

If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!

All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.

If a priest listens to sad music in his church, he really enjoys being deep in minor.

I'm bored. If you want to friend me in Roblox, my username is Talitha95g and my nickname is talithafromamirica.

Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?

Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.

Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed?

Me: If you're only counting me, 100%.

If WW3 starts, I do, in fact, belong in the kitchen.

If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."

I ask the emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.

If you call the number 800-273-8500 in Afghanistan, they say, "Can you fly a plane?"

If 6 was afraid of 7 because 7-8-9, then why was 10 afraid?

'Cause it was right in the middle of 9/11.

If you are ever mad, punch an orphan.

What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.

I keep going back and forth on them.

House for sale: five minutes from the beach or eight seconds if you fall.

If I'm holding a cricket ball in each hand, what do I have?

A really fucking huge cricket.

You’re so fat; if you go outside now, you’d be arrested for breaking social distancing guidelines.

If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?