If jokes
I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.
Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.
If a blind person can’t see, then do they sleep?
They’re the night watchers while people who see sleep.
"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
I'm not saying I'm ugly...
But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.
Memes
I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)
If you've been thinking about singing karaoke with a friend, just duet.
If I were to not eat the last biscuit, I would feel "crumby."
I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.
Fun fact: If you're an orphan, you probably don't know your parents.
Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.
I once asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite... He said, "NaBrO."
I don't have any friends.
If you like this, I can be your friend :)
If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?
If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?
If you're reading this, you are Nickel and Gallium......
Ni- ........*something else in between the two halves*................Ga
YOU FUCKING MONKEYS!
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
If you ever think no one cares about you,
kill someone, then the news will.
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.