If jokes

Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed?

Me: If you're only counting me, 100%.

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.

If WW3 starts, I do, in fact, belong in the kitchen.

Hi Leyla, I have been trying to reach you for a while. Where have you been? I was wondering if you wanted to chat.

House for sale: five minutes from the beach or eight seconds if you fall.

I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.

I keep going back and forth on them.

If you call the number 800-273-8500 in Afghanistan, they say, "Can you fly a plane?"

If I'm holding a cricket ball in each hand, what do I have?

A really fucking huge cricket.

You’re so fat; if you go outside now, you’d be arrested for breaking social distancing guidelines.

If you are ever mad, punch an orphan.

What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

If 6 was afraid of 7 because 7-8-9, then why was 10 afraid?

'Cause it was right in the middle of 9/11.

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

My favorite dark joke is orphan jokes. For no apparent reason.

(If you see this joke with a blue "S" that's also me. I just have an acc now.)

If you drop something, make your short friend get it.

If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?

Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!

Teacher: How many kids are in this classroom?

Kid: 73 if you count the ones you have hid in the basement.

If your sis makes you mad, so go to your friend's home to play.

If your sis is sad, go tell Mom.

Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?

Me: Me.

Friend: *does nothing*

(x_x)

I forgot that I don't have friends.

Mom: It's time for sleep.

Baby: Is that what you think, huh?

Mom: *gives baby pacifier*

Baby: Nice try, hobo.

Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.

*few hours later*

Baby: *still awake*

Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!

Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.

(Only Ninjago fans understand XD)

If you look outside and it's really windy, it's really cloudy, and the sky looks greenish... you better run, 'cause it has to be Morro!