If jokes

People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.

Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.

What do you get if a disabled person falls off a building? Mashed potatoes.

Teacher: “If you got ten dollars from ten people, what would you have?”

Johnny: “A new bike!”

If you think about it, the 9/11 memorial is literally just a scoreboard.

What do you do if a woman is choking? Pull out a few inches.

If you are a bully at a school, when you get home, find an orphan and beat them up!

What are they going to do? Tell the orphan lady to tell you to stop? 😆😝

Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.

He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.

Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!

All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.

It would have been better if Martin Luther King didn’t have a dream.

You know, for his sake.

If a priest listens to sad music in his church, he really enjoys being deep in minor.

How does the earth rate its sex?

Earthquake, Cataclysm, Volcano explosion, Earth's core explodes.

If the earth's core explodes, then he got tore up!

If an orphan took a photo, what would it be considered?

Not a family photo.

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

Little boy: Momma?

Mom: Yes, my dear.

Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.

Mom: Why!?

Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.

I keep going back and forth on them.

If you drop something, make your short friend get it.

If I'm holding a cricket ball in each hand, what do I have?

A really fucking huge cricket.

You’re so fat; if you go outside now, you’d be arrested for breaking social distancing guidelines.

House for sale: five minutes from the beach or eight seconds if you fall.