If jokes
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
If laziness was an Olympic sport, I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
What can you do if you have a rotten piece of candy?
If Kobe missed a shot, his helicopter will too.
If an emo kid takes antidepressant medication, will they be happy?
Sonic says if you're bored, go punch an orphan. I mean, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
It's okay to tell a Stephen Hawking joke if there are stairs in your house he can't get to you. Plus, he shut himself down, so it's all good :)
Q: How can you tell if a Western is gay?
A: All the good guys are hung.
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
A man's daughter comes home from school and asks her dad if she can borrow the car.
The father replies, "No, it's too late at night."
The daughter says, "C'mon, Dad. I'll do anything."
The dad says, "OK, suck my dick."
The daughter says, "No, that's disgusting."
The dad says, "You want the car. You said you'll do anything."
The daughter agrees. Just as she is about to put her father's dick into her mouth, she stops and says, "Eww, Dad, your dick smells like shit."
The dad replies, "Yeah, well, your brother borrowed the car about an hour ago."
The other day, I stumbled upon a comic strip in the newspaper. As I started reading, I could feel a smile creeping onto my face. The characters were so relatable, their situation so absurd, yet so familiar, it was impossible not to find it amusing.
The punchline was unexpected, yet it made perfect sense within the context of the story. It was that surprise, that sudden twist, that made me burst out laughing. It was as if the comic strip had set up a joke and I had walked right into it, completely unsuspecting. The laughter bubbled up from within me, a spontaneous reaction to the unexpected humor.
In that moment, I realized the power of humor. It's not just about making people laugh. It's about bringing joy, about making people see the world from a different perspective, even if just for a moment. And that's why I found that comic strip so funny. It wasn't just a joke, it was a moment of joy, a moment of surprise, a moment of seeing the world in a different light.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.
If you think of a president as your king, then the USA got checkmated on November 22nd, 1963.
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
A priest asks a nun if she has slept with anyone, and the nun says, "Yes, a fucking hot girl!"
If I found BlessedBrian's jokes FUNNY, I would be just as retarded as HIM.
Stop bullying orphans!
What if they tell their parents?
If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.