If jokes
Today I was asked if I was in favor of legalizing prostitution.
I admit I haven't given it much of a thot.
If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!
Once, asked if I played Scrabble, being dyslexic, I asked if it was the standard version or the deluxe dyslexic version.
She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.
I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.
"If your enemy is kicking your ass, blame it on the lag."
-- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?
Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.
Student: Ok!!
Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?
Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.
Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.
Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.
Adopting a kid is like having a yard sale! I mean, if the owners don't want it anymore, what makes you think I want it?
A rich guy and a poor guy have their wedding anniversary on the same day. They meet each other at the shopping complex.
The poor guy asks the rich guy, "What'd you get for your wife today?"
The rich guy replies, "I got her a diamond ring and a Mercedes."
The poor guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"
The rich guy says, "If she doesn't like the diamond ring, then she can return it in her Mercedes."
The rich guy asks the poor guy, "What'd you get for your wife?"
The poor guy says, "I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo."
The rich guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"
The poor guy says, "If she doesn't like the slippers, then she can go f*** herself."
What games do you play if you are bored?
Board games.
If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.
Because all I do is pound it, man, I would put you on my 600 lb life if you didn't weigh a thousand.
I don't care if I got beat the first day you were born. Your momma asked for a receipt!
It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
Sonic says if you're ever born, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
If one of ya'll could find my weave, that'd be great!
If you think about it, then adoption is the last choice for getting a child, so those who are adopted were the last choice.
It's not a war crime if no one's alive to report it.
If Slade were any more SENILE, he’d be pH 7.
What would be Joe Biden's name if he was an orphan? "Joe."