If jokes

Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.

If an emo counts down, don't worry, they probably have only one bullet.

Why did Helen Keller’s dog run away?

I would too if my name was Braille.

Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.

Mary: If you born pikin (child) inside shop, wetin you go call that pikin (child)?

Mike: The pikin (child) go bear Bishop.

If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:

So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.

I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.

I keep going back and forth on them.

I am deciding to do songs on this app... so I am a type songs. If you want a specific song typed I will type just comment!

If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?

Can bees fly in the rain?

Not if they don't have their yellow jackets!

There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."

Hi Leyla, I have been trying to reach you for a while. Where have you been? I was wondering if you wanted to chat.

I was in bio when my teacher asked what would happen if all predators were gone in an ecosystem.

The kid in the back raised his hand and said, "So what IS gonna happen to you?"

I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.

Tyler is ugly.

If you are called Tyler, change your name.

If you were a fruit, you’d be a ‘fine-apple.’

Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."

Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.

Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie.

Are you a loan? Because you've got my interest.

Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!

If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.

Are you an artist? Because you’re really good at drawing me in.

I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram?

If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.

If you were a flower, you'd be a daaaaaamn-delion!

If someone is mean to an orphan just say, "I will call your mum," and make them cry even more.