If jokes
How is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.
When you call the Middle Eastern suicide hotline, they ask you if you can fly a plane.
I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
"If we don’t have a strategy, then the enemy will never know our strategy."
-Sun Tzu, Art of War.
"It's not a war crime if you invade a country with oil."
-Sun Tzu, Art of War
"If you want to win swiftly, camp the enemies' spawn."
- Sun Tzu
"If you can't win, lose."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
"It's not a war crime if you win the war."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
"If your enemy is kicking your ass, blame it on the lag."
-- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
If 6 is afraid because 7, 8, 9, why is 10 scared?
Because it's in between 9/11.
My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.
Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”
Friend 1: “Yeah.”
Friend 2: “Yea.”
Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”
Friend 3: “I love anime.”
Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*
My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."
Like if you are straight; comment if you are LGBTQ+; dislike if you are a Nazi.
Kid 1: I like you! Do you like me?
Kid 2: No. You never asked if I love you!
Kid 1: Aw, do you love me?
Kid 2: No!
If a fly loses its wings, is it now a walk? Wait a minute, I found out a mind blower. So the 🌎 is the 3rd planet from the sun, doesn't that mean all countries are called the 3rd country of 🌎? If I get 10 likes, I'll do one mind-blowing fact daily.