If jokes

What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?

Have a blood transfusion.

If you're bored, just go hit an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Why does New York have the Jets as their football team if those are what took out the Twin Towers?

Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."

Kid 1: "As if."

Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

If I die, does my depression die with me?

Imagine if Batman had a family reunion!

Bro, if you think about it, your mom and God have one thing in common... They're both big.

If you're having a bad day, just slap an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their parents?

Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.

Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.

Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.

What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?

Math riddle: If I have 12 bottles of wine in one hand, and 9 in the other, what do I have?

If you’ve got me, you want to share me; if you share me, you haven’t kept me. What am I?

Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.

Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"

Student: "A drinking problem."

If a fat person were to go on a flying car, it will just be at the ground. When they exit, it will just fly up.

Adopting a kid is like having a yard sale! I mean, if the owners don't want it anymore, what makes you think I want it?

How do you get away with rape and incest in California?

Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.