If jokes
I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.
A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.
He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.
When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.
Are you enjoying my yolks? I bet they're making you crack up. If not, I better scramble.
Aren't my egg yolks amazing? Don't they make you crack up? If not, I better scramble!
It was an emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers.
If two people who have the clap sleep together, did they make an applause?
So, if the reason people used to hang women was because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung, would they be called wizards?
Not sure if domestic violence joke or penis size joke...
If you have cancer, you are gay.
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)
Stephen Hawking couldn't drink anything.
He'd break if he did.
How come lepers don't play cards?
Well, if they lose a couple of hands...
If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents!
If you have 20 apples and you ate 2, how many do you have left?
0 because you have 20 and take away 2, you have 0 left.
I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.
One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little boy says, "That's my little red race car." 10 minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little girl says, "That's my little red race car garage."
So later that night the boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She says yes, and they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won't fit. Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs upstairs, flips on the lights, and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?" The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?
If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.
I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"