If jokes

How do you know if an Asian has broken into your house?

Your dog is gone. ;)

A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"

And the women look at him as if they have never seen a man walk into a bar before.

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."

Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."

So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.

Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"

The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

If you shit in a church, is it a holy shit?

How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?

Your dog's gone.

Your finances are done.

And your floaties.

Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."

Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"

Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."

If you ever get bored, just hit an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

If you read this, you fucked your dad and your 4-year-old sister, you sick fuck... At least wait till they are 15.

You know what a big ass is. If I told you it's a fake ass, so I'm lesbo.

I need to call candy. What's candy? Candy can "bofe" if these balls fit in your mouth.

All trucks are monster trucks if you’re afraid of trucks.

If you are ever mad, punch an orphan.

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.

If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?

I asked my friend if they wanted to hear a joke about sodium, and they said, "Na."

One day there was a boy who needed the toilet, so he goes to his teacher and asks if he can go to the toilet. The teacher says "yes, but before you go, what are the first 3 letters in the alphabet?" The boy replies, "I don't know, miss..." The teacher says that he will have to wait.

Later, the boy goes home to his mom who is on the phone. He asks, "What is the first letter in the alphabet?" His mom says, "Oh, shut up!" So the boy goes to his dad who is playing darts and says, "What is the second letter in the alphabet?" His dad says "180!" So the boy goes to his sister who is playing with her Barbies. The boy asks, "What is the 3rd letter in the alphabet?" The sister says, "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world!"

The next day, the boy goes to school and needs the toilet again, so he goes to ask if he can go, and the teacher says, "Yes, but before you go, what are the 3 letters in the alphabet?" The boy says, "Oh, shut up!" The teacher is angry about that, so she says, "What is the second one?" "180!" says the boy, and the teacher asks him where he is from, and the boy says, "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world!"

The end.

A nun went to the pub and ordered a gin. The bartender said to her, "I thought nuns weren’t allowed to drink?" and she said, "Not usually, but I am doing the bishop a favor."

The bartender then asked if she was coming to the music evening, and she said, "No, I am with the bishop tonight."

A girl asks her Asian boyfriend if he wants to eat her pussy. He asks her why she is taking off her clothes, instead of cooking her cat.

What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?

A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.

I would tell you a story of my dad... If I knew who he was.