Ice jokes
Why did the boy not cross the road?
Because he was on thin ice.
What do penguins 🐧 eat for lunch?
Freeze burgers.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
What falls and never gets hurt? Snow.
What's the difference between a snow woman and snow man?
Snowballs.
Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her.
Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.
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What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
Wanted to get the scoop on history of ice cream, so I went to Sunday school.
Q: Why did Billy drop his ice cream cone?
A: He has turrets.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
How many degrees does it take to change ice into boiling water?
199, because the difference between -100 and +100 is 199 (excluding the zero, because it's not real and it doesn't exist because it's not real).
Get?
Why did the glacier send the iceberg to college?
Because, in order for ice to exist, it must retain a temperature of less than... ZERO DEGREES at the atomic level!
I like my marriages like I like my whiskey: on the rocks.
What is Jack Frost's favorite mode of transport?
A Tri-cycle.
How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
I like penguins.
I sat down to eat some ice cream. The next moment, I screamed!
I left a chunk of ice outside during summer. That was the first time I heard icescream.