Ice jokes
A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied:
"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"
Titanic: "And I'm nominating everyone on board for the Ice Bucket challenge!"
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice. I called it "cold hard cash."
Why does Adam go hockey, you might ask?
In my opinion, he shouldn't go because he is bad, but he needs the armor to protect himself from his own step-dad.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby!
Why did Joey drop his ice cream?
He was hit by a truck. (Don't worry, the truck was fine.)
Why did Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
What is the skeleton's favorite car?
A Zam-bone-y.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowgirl?
Snowballs.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?
Because she got hit by a bus.
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
What do you say to a magician with autism?
Are you "Autism-ic?"
Q: What did the iceberg say to the Titanic?
A: I'd hit that.
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she’ll let it goo!
What's thick and has ice in it when you take it out of a blender?
A baby smoothie.
Why did Susan drop her ice cream? She was hit by a bus.
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus:] Hey, now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.
It's a cool place and they say it gets colder. You're bundled up now wait 'til you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture.
The ice we skate is getting pretty thin. The water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.
[Chorus 2x]
Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas. I need to get myself away from this place. I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see. So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus]
And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.