Humor
What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? -- Canned food.
Q: Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
A: To find Pooh!
I was going to tell a joke about emos in the sea, but it’s dead in the water.
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."
Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.
Yo mama is so fat, she takes her selfies in panoramic mode.
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
Don't worry if you think your life sucks. Just remember that people are arguing over the gender of a potato head.
Yo mama so ugly she made happy meals cry.
So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?
... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.
Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:
"And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."
Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it was pointless!
Daughter: Mommy?
Mom: Hey.
Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?
Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.
Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...
What do you call a ghost's fart?
A spirit bomb.
What kind of bagel can fly?
A plain.
How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.