Humor

Humor

Sin

    • There was a man named Matt that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, "I am here to tell you my sins." He was all for it and said, "Go ahead."

    Matt, "Father, last night I almost cheated on my wife."

    Priest, "How so?"

    Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything, just rubbed each other, that's all."

    Priest, "RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! For your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box!"

    Matt, "Okay, I promise not to see her again."

    Then Matt walks out the door.

    Priest, "Hey! I saw you! You didn't put any money in the donation box!!"

    Matt, "Yes I did. I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in."

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    • Dynamite

    • A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt, she says, "Oh, what chest!" "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby," he replies. Then he takes off his pants, she says, "Oh, what legs!" He says, "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running. He catches her and says, "Why were you running?" She said, "I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."

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    • Car

    • Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?

    All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.

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    • Difference

    • What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?

    Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.

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    • Humor memes

    Stoner

    • Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?

    A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!

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    • Telephone Number

    • Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:

    "And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."

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