Humor
Chuck Norris uses elevators only in case of fire.
If there is a divorce in West Virginia, are they still brother and sister?
I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.
Yes, I'm CUTE.
C-ringe U-gly T-errible E-mpty.
What do you call an orange on a small stick?
Donald Trump.
What’s the difference between jail and my basement?
Some people are let out of jail.
My favorite joke is my life.
A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes, “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit.” The girl says, “Who?” The boy goes, “My ass cheeks.”
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?
Children scream when they melt.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s penis.
Incest is wincest. (That was above.)
Fun for the whole family!
Next of kin, count me in!
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.
What do you call two Mexicans having sex? 50 Shades of Brown.
What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
My therapist said: "Time heals all wounds."
I shot her, now we wait.
What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.
Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?
Why can't orphans work at S.C Johnson?
Because it is a family company. 😂 😂