Humor

Why can’t an emo have sex?

They can’t make it to the bed, they kept swinging on the tree.

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What's the best thing about 9/11 jokes...

They make you collapse with laughter because the Twin Towers collapsed.

Dwarf: pulls down the flap for the mirror.

Also dwarf: can’t see.

What do you call it when a town on the south coast of England sprouts legs and starts walking around the country?

A walkie-Torquay.

I'mma monch ur nan's feet at 3 am tonight, ngl.

Someone: Hey, are you a skeleton?

A skeleton: Of course, I have a SKELE-ton of fans!

What did the officer tell the lioness after she said she was a dog?

Oooooooooh girl, you lion!

Why did the skeleton not tell jokes? It lost its funny bone. Maybe you should try putting it back.

Gumball: What's that? Is it a twig?

Banana Joe: No.

Darwin: Is it a leaf?

Banana Joe: No.

Gumball: What is it then?

Banana Joe: It's my BUTT!!!

Our family is known for unusually sloppy diarrhea.

It runs in our jeans.

What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.

Why did the bone go on a blind date? He was bonely.

Q. What do Kenny's dick and this joke have in common?

A. They're both really short.

Why is drinking soda so sad?

It's soda-pressing.

I rub lipstick on my forehead to make up my mind.

One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.

Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"

So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.

About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."

Rape humor is not funny. Like if you agree.

Three guys landed on a cannibal island. The cannibal chef told them if they wanted to live, they had to go get 10 of one fruit and bring it to him, and he would tell them what to do.

So the first guy brings 10 apples, and the chef said if he could shove all 10 of those in his ass without making a sound, he could live. He was three apples in and made a sound, and they ate him. The second guy brought grapes; nine grapes in, and he burst out laughing. The cannibals ate him. Then the first guy said, "Why'd you laugh? You were almost there!" The other guy who had the grapes said, "I couldn't help it, I was told the third guy came back with 10 pineapples."