Humor
A French, a German, and an Italian make a race to see who resists the most in a room full of flies. The French starts, and after a quarter of an hour, comes out.
Then goes the German, who comes out after an hour. Finally, the Italian enters and comes out after five hours.
The French: "But how did you do it?"
The Italian: "I killed one."
The German: "So what?"
The Italian: "And then they were all busy for the funeral!"
You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.
Just not for long!
Did you hear they made an Emo-Hipster pizza?
It cuts itself, and you're supposed to eat it before it's cool.
Used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask...
Yet here I am, stuck at home in this COVID-19 "Thriller," beating it...
Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?
Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."
England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."
Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."
This shit is weird (as baby girl pees).
Dad: “Trust me, shitting is weirder.”
Would you like a piece of Africa?
Would you like to know why? Because it's a dessert/desert.
What do you call a bus full of kids? A killstreak.
Those were a-mug-zing jokes. They were Mugderful, and Mugjestic.
Yo mama so fat, when she took a picture of herself, her phone ran out of storage.
Oh, you just got owned, like my ancestors.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire? Hot wheels!
Why can't orphans work at S.C Johnson?
Because it is a family company. 😂 😂
This is a Cuphead joke.
Why did the clown drive over the cup? Cuz he wanted to CRACK him up!
Stephen Hawking said God isn’t real, and the Priest put a boot on his tire. 😂😂😂
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
because skeletons aren't alive and can't move, so it's impossible for him to cross the road.
So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).
A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”
My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?
What did one alligator say to the other alligator?
"Let’s go for an all-in-one buffet!"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Sorry you are sneezing. Have you got a cold?