Humor

Why can’t the turd fart? Because it already shitted!

I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!

Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL!

I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!

Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump's wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes but he wasn't really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump's friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump's friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, "Aww, I'm lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!"

What do you call a squirrel with wings? A flying squirrel, it's pretty self-explanatory.

"Koalafications" are irr-elephant.

Wth

A screenshot of a post. It shows a bear cartoon named "Explain Bear" delivering a monologue regarding the fact that someone made a joke about it being gay.

i asked a chinese girl for her number, she said "sex, sex, sex! free sex tonight" i said, "wow!" then her friend said, "she means 666-3629

Why did the toilet paper cross the road?

It didn't; it got stuck in a crack.

"Can I tell you a paper joke?" I said, "But it is pretty terrible."

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Doctor.

Doctor who?

This is funny.

I saw some toilet paper rolls rolling in the wind.

So I called, "Toilet Papers Rolling In!"

What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing, because his parents ran away.

Double whammy. Orphan jokes are like a kid with cancer; it never gets old. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👌👌👌👌👌

The man walks into a bar, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a tiny piano and a tiny piano player. The piano player starts playing the piano. The guy next to him asks where he got that. The man says there is a genie out on the corner granting wishes.

So the man sitting next to him jumps up and runs outside. He says to the genie, "I want a million bucks." The genie snaps his fingers, and a million ducks appear in the road. The man comes back inside and says, "Hey, that genie is a little hard of hearing." The man says, "Well, did you really think I'd ask for a 12-inch pianist?"