Humor
"A llahu Aks into a bar..."
And it blows up!
Crappy joke warning: How does Spongebob have fun? He smokes seaweed.
Me: Knock knock.
My sister: Who's there?
Me: I eat mop.
My sister: I eat mop who?
My mind: I eat my poo.
My sister getting it.
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.
I told my fam a joke.
They all looked at me weird and one person even said, "I’m sorry!"
One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.
I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."
I was gonna make a joke about Mexicans but honestly, it crosses the line.
Why tie when you can knot?
I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.
What's worse than waking up with a penis drawn on your face?
Finding out it was traced.
I'm gonna stop telling rape jokes...
They just seem so forced.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?
Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.
One Easter Sunday, a man goes to church and returns home with two black eyes.
His wife inquires as to how he got the black eyes.
The man goes on to say, “a lady stood up in front of me during mass, I saw her dress was stuck in her butt crack, so I reached out and tugged it out. She whirled around, became furious, and punched me in the eye.”
“That explains one black eye,” the wife says, “but what about the other?” The man explains, “I figured she must have liked her dress stuck up in her butt crack, so when she turned around I stuffed it back up there.”
Q. What's a disabled person's favorite band?
A. System of a Down's syndrome.
Wanna hear a pun?
Welp, I'll punch you with one!
What do you call a dad without a dad joke?
Dead.
What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.
A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."
My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.
Read this slow: I 1 2 4 Q?