Humor
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
What do you call Nicholas and Dillon/Dennis?
GAY
Did you hear about the guy who made knock-knock jokes? He won the Nobel Prize.
Why are the same Sally jokes told over and over again?
Because how can you tell jokes about someone who's dead?
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running away from Kernel Sanders.
Hehehe
Ligma.
Balls.
If I busted an egg on your head.... the yolk would be on you... ha ha ha!!!
Our family is known for unusually sloppy diarrhea.
It runs in our jeans.
What do you call a dog that's faced backwards?
A god.
I'mma monch ur nan's feet at 3 am tonight, ngl.
Someone: Hey, are you a skeleton?
A skeleton: Of course, I have a SKELE-ton of fans!
What did the officer tell the lioness after she said she was a dog?
Oooooooooh girl, you lion!
Why is drinking soda so sad?
It's soda-pressing.
Q. What do Kenny's dick and this joke have in common?
A. They're both really short.
Gumball: What's that? Is it a twig?
Banana Joe: No.
Darwin: Is it a leaf?
Banana Joe: No.
Gumball: What is it then?
Banana Joe: It's my BUTT!!!
What do you call it when a town on the south coast of England sprouts legs and starts walking around the country?
A walkie-Torquay.
I killed a homeless dude, now he's at funeral home 😭💔
Why is 5 afraid of 7? Because 6, 7, 8.
One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.
Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"
Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?
Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!
Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?
Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!
Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?
Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...
TWO HOURS LATER
Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!
AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER