Humor
An optimist says, "The glass is half full."
A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."
Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"
Q. Why aren't midget jokes funny?
A. They always seem to punch down.
I was trying to tell some people here to stop, but then I found out that the S was covered in blood from me assaulting someone.
A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"
The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."
What do you call a blond with half a brain? Gifted.
Motivational quote for today: if you think you're dumb, you're probably overestimating your intellectual abilities...
Fart jokes are so popular because they are real stinkers.
What did the frog do when his car broke down?
It was toad.
What goes down but not up?
An emo.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
UR MUM!
I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.
What do you call an Indian that came home late?
A curfew muncher.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have nobody to call "daddy."
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song?
The wheels on the chair go round and round.
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelevant.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
......
It's not a joke.
A boy walks into class with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks. The teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On a peach hill."
Another boy walks in with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks. The teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On a peach hill."
Then a girl walks in, and the teacher says, "And where on earth have you been?" The girl says, "Well, you see..." Then the teacher stops her and says, "Let me guess, on a peach hill?" The girl says, "No, on 2 big cucumbers."
What did the Japanese man say to his friend after he killed somebody?
"That is very Wong."
Why did the Twin Towers go shopping?
To get some plane bread.