Humor
Q: Wanna see something funny?
A: Sure.
*bomb Florida*
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he was part of the Lazy Bones team!
"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.
The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.
"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"
"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.
The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.
"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.
What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?
Never joke about 9/11, they'll just crash and burn.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
Cremation: Your last chance for a smoking hot body.
When other people tell a joke, 3/3 people laugh.
When I tell a joke, 1/3 people laugh, but 2/3 people stare into my soul.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
'Cause they don't got balls to scratch.
Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that Grandma's ashes were sugar?
Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:
"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."
Q. What's an emo's favorite type of comedy?
A. Gallows humor.
How do rappers communicate underwater?
They drop some sick flow-tation.
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because there is nobody to call "daddy."
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What's the difference between Clark Kent and chicken noodle?
One is Super. The other is just soup.
The Earth was flat once. 'Til yo mama got buried.
What do you call a one-legged hippo?
A hoppo!
Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?
Because orange is the new black.
A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"