Humor

My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.

I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."

Does anyone still look at this? If you do, tell me if I should make more jokes :)

How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.

What do you call an emo a cappella group?

Self harmony.

Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."

Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."

Wife: "No, you're not."

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."

I believe "Self-Baptism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt."

Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"

Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

Who needs April Fools?

When your whole life is a joke?

Guys, we should stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents will get mad. Oh.... Wait... Continue.

All these jokes are plane wrong. My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.

I got kicked out of a hospital once. I told all the COVID patients to stay positive.

So, my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn't actually tell me the joke.

What do you call an orphan's family reunion? "Me time."

A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone.

It’s either really terrible news or really great news.

They say people are 75% water.

But I'm 100% useless.