Humor
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
The other day, me and my friend were at the shops buying crafts. I was wearing a black top; she was wearing a stripy top. We were arguing about who was more creative when she asked me to prove that I am. I just said, "You buy your stripes, I make mine."
How to fall down stairs.
Step 1. Step 2. Step 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.
My memes are ironic, but my depression is chronic.
An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."
Dark jokes are like water; some people just don't get it.
What do depressed people and Apple's have in common?
They both hang from trees.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso expresso.
JK, it's bleach.
What do suicidal people do in their spare time?
Hang out.
One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one, then he/she should stand up.
After a minute, a boy stands up.
The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he's an idiot.
The boy says, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Please End My Depression And Suffering.
One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."
September 11, bring your plane to work day.
You wanna hear a suicide joke? Nvm, it didn't make it.
Sorry for all the jokes, I'll end it.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?
A Kinder Surprise.
Want to know why parents don't get school shooting jokes?
Because they are aimed at a younger audience.
If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.