Humor
I love Steven Hawking's stand-up comedy!
Why does Elmo turn emo? Because he's Elmo emo.
Me: Hey, you want to hear a dark joke?
Brother: Sure.
Me: Turn off the light.
You will never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.
About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."
Yo mama so ugly, she went to a fat concert and they said no experts allowed! 😂
You wanna hear a joke? You.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? I don't know, either. It depends on how hard you throw them.
What did the fork say to the cake when he said, "I hope you get eaten?"
Fork off!
Me, (AHAHAHA IM A JOKE AHAH Criii) Anyone wanna date? Lol.
What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
Wet noses.
What’s the difference between me and Glow In The Dark Intelligent Putty? The putty’s intelligent!
I call this my great talk with Siri.
Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.
Siri: My mother? Huh?
Me: Did I stutter?
Siri: Interesting question.
Me: It wasn’t a question.
Siri: I’m not sure I understand?
Me: You should understand.
Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?
Me: No, you b***.
Your mom is so fat, when she went to the ugly contest, they said, "No professionals."
Touch your toes and hold them. Then spell "run." It will say, "r.u.n."
Stan says shut the f**k up or sit your ass down on that b***h chair!
They say the only curves Daveon likes are on his credit card statements.
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?
Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!
What say the child to the man? Shalom.
Man come later give the child: "Here, what you asked for!"
Child: "No, sir! I say Shabbat Shalom. I not ask for salmon!"
Man: "It may be the coin in me ear, hard to hear."