Humor Jokes

Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

Your hairline so far back I learned about it in history class

Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.

Want to know why parents don't get school shooting jokes? Because they are aimed at a younger audience.

I have 206 bones in my body but when I look at you I have 207

people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don't like going to school

Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey

Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born

Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.

Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.” “Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”

Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash

Best pilot in Saudi Arabia

What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.

"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes.

"No, not until their parents pick them up."

jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter

What is the worst motivational thing to say to a suicidal person?

If at first you don’t succeed, try again and again until you succeed.

What's a pedophile's favorite type of garden?

A kindergarden.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us? Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road? Son:why? Dad: To get to the other side but your mother only made it about halfway

What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?

About 140 calories.

You tell an orphan joke to an orphan. You start laughing, they start crying. They say they are going to tell their mom. Then you start laughing harder.