One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Please End My Depression And Suffering
Do you have dark humor?
Actually never mind, I was going to tell you a joke about babies dying..... but I decided to abort.
What do suicidal people do in their spare time?
Hang out.
U wanna hear a Suicide joke nvm it didn’t make it
What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?
A kinder surprise
Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
A man walks into a bar, he takes a seat and asks the barmen if he wanted to hear a blonde joke, the barmen replies before you tell this joke I want to tell you something, see the women over there, she is a black belt in karate, she's blonde , see the bouncer over there he is also a blonde, see the chick over there with that pool que she is also blonde, also I have a shotgun behind the bar i'm blonde, so do you still want to tell your joke? He replies f**k that I ain't explaining the joke 4 times.
If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.
You tell an orphan joke to an orphan. You start laughing, they start crying. They say they are going to tell their mom. Then you start laughing harder.
Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.” “Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
911 jokes usually go over my head
Then it hits me
Want to know why parents don't get school shooting jokes? Because they are aimed at a younger audience.
September 11 bring your plane to work day
Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don't like going to school
Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey
Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born
What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.