Humor
What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!
A friend texts to another:
"Hey." They reply, "What's up?"
The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "The sky!" But the other friend intervenes and says, "No, it's the ceiling!"
To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "Unless you're homeless or six feet under."
What do you call a single bisexual?
All bi myself.
Q: You want to know why I don’t make jokes about 9/11?
A: They tend to crash and burn.
What's brown and hairy? A bear.
What's brown, hairy, and is in love with Ethan Herbst? Arij.
What do you call a girl skeleton dancing?
A bone-étit.
Why are the same Sally jokes told over and over again?
Because how can you tell jokes about someone who's dead?
What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head before he died?
His elbow.
I'd like to relish the fact that you've mustered up the courage to ketchup to my level.
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?
A stab wound.
Where is an elephant’s penis?
On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.
9/11 jokes aren’t funny.
They always crash and burn.
What did the lawyer name his twins?
COURTney and CASEy.
I'd love it if you killed yourself, but Hitler killed himself and people still hate him...
Look in the mirror. There's a joke for you.
Here’s my pun.
Yup literally nothing... jeez this was pretty plain.
What animal should wear a wig?
A bald eagle!
Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?
They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.
Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK.