Humor
Why did the kids love the mushrooms?
Because they're fun-guys!
What do you call a pineapple in a pun?
A Puneapple.
What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
Kid: Hey, what’s black and sneaky!
Social studies teacher: Harriet Tubman.
How to get 1000 followers on Instagram?
Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
I pooped in a bottle and stuck my finger through it.
I took some of the boo boo out, licked it, and rubbed it on a wall, making a BOO BOO portal. I jumped into it and I saw BOO BOO LAND. I rolled all in the chunk poop and drank the diarrhea.
Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?
I don't call it suicide. I call it population control.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
I still remember my granddad's last words,
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
How does Stephen Hawking go to the toilet? He logs out.
Chuck Norris and Medusa had a staring contest. Medusa turned to stone.
What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You follow the Fresh prints.
What did the sun say to the Earth?
"Am I hot?"
What did the shoe say to the other shoe?
Nothing, it was tied up in another conversation.
What's the difference between a snow woman and snow man?
Snowballs.
How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
There is no joke.