Humor
What is a Russian joke?
Something that will be funny for Russian people.
Butt Morice - ( i ) ( - )@( - ) \ \ [] \ \ ( _ ) [] ( _ ) []
If you are a banana, why don't you eat a banana?
Oh right, you'd be a cannibal. I mean a banan-i-ball.
Once I told an abortion joke and this woman was like, "I've had an abortion, that's offensive." And I was like, "I just tell jokes, I think what you do is much worse."
Homeless person says to a rich person, "I'm homeless."
Rich person: "Then buy a house!"
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."
My jokes are pretty "bone-arifick," if I say so myself. Hehhehe... Get it?
One day, he started crying out of nowhere. Everyone started crying with him.
There was a crying pandemic going around.
You know, being a bitch is hard... but I found the person who's up for the challenge... you.
What's an Asian orphan's surname? No Pham.
Why is the eagle a bird with many skills? Because it’s talon-ted!
The skeleton cancelled the gallery showing of his skull-ptures because his heart just wasn’t in it.
Orange you glad to see me?
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
Why are girls and rocks so alike?
If they're flat, they get skipped.
If Trump pooped in a toilet, the toilet would die.
What do you call it when a town on the south coast of England sprouts legs and starts walking around the country?
A walkie-Torquay.
You don't need brains to be a Boss.
When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.
It's only rape.
If she finds out.