Humor
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a bus.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
Why should you never make height jokes about dwarfs?
It goes right over their head.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?
Orthopediphilia.
What do you call a Mexican with one leg?
Border hopper.
Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.
I don’t like to make jokes around dwarfs.
Simply because they look up to me.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
What did the cow say to the leather chair?
“Hi Mom!”
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.
Know your ABCs! Assholes, bitches, and cocaine!
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
What do you call a crowd of horny white women?
A field of cotton waiting to be picked.