Humor
What do you call it when you see nothing but pants? Brief psychotic disorder!
I asked, "Mom, what's that in the sky?"
Mom replied with, "That's your father."
I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.
Friend: You are joking.
Me: Joking on deez nuts.
Why do orphans not like jokes?
Because they hate your "mom" and "dad" joke because they miss their parents. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
"what's that on your wrist?"
"I'm a cutting board. duh"
Have you played the game Imagine Dragons? Imagine draggin' deez nuts!
What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?
Only one moans when I put my meat in it.
I told a diabetic girl to have sweet dreams...
she died the next morning.
Why are bears' hair so sticky?
Because they use honeycombs.
I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?
What did the short Chinese man say when he was called a dwarf? "Da fok yu sai tu meee."
My friend told me to name a country in Africa.
So I said, "Hungry."
Life would be so much easier if grass was emo.
Because it would cut itself.
Chuck Norris once said that he didn't like the plane he was riding in. Out of sadness, the plane committed suicide. How, you ask? Ask the Twin Towers.
What's an Asian's favorite food place?
Answer: Petco
Why are skinny people skinny?
Because he don't have a family to breastfeed on.
I would tell you a time travel joke, but you did not like it.
What did Osama say after knocking over the Twin Towers?
He he he haw.
Alfonso's mom is so fat that she stepped on the scale and the doctor said, "Oh shit, that's my phone number!"