Humans jokes
How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.
Woman aren't human anyways... lol.
If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.
"I created the Human Torch."
What is the difference between a human and human rights, and a tree tree, and a house that has to?
What is the difference between a human and a magic car 🚗?
A magic car can fly, and a house 🏡 cannot fly.
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.
What is the difference between human rights and the Earth?
The Earth has been to be between two games a year after school, a time and fun game that has.
What is the difference between a human and a magic house, and what do I have for dinner?
What's the single worst terrestrial species? Humans, obviously.
What is the difference between a human and a bird?
A bird can fly and a human cannot fly.
God creates a mosquito :)
God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.
Angel: okay... a bug.
God: now give it’s face a sword, but it has a hole so it’s basically a mouth.
Angel: weird... but okay...
God: and give it wings.
Angel: eh, not half bad Go-
God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS
Angel: *shook* o-okay
God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.
Angel: .-.
God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give ‘em a taste ‘o that! *evil grin*
Angel: *cries*
Angel: *whispers; I’m so sorry..*
Kris looks like a Neanderthal. The only difference is that Neanderthals serve a purpose in HUMAN HISTORY.
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
How are humans and computers different? A human doesn't have trouble shooting.
A man walks into a bar. The man says, "Why the human face?" It's not funny at all.
What’s the difference between a bird and a human?
“We don’t eat with our peckers.”
What is the difference between the human rights act and a dad?
Some people are such treasures that you sometimes just wanna bury them.
Sun: Hi, I am the sun! I want to warm you up......
Human: :D
Sun: I want to BuRn you.........
Human: .......
Sun: I want to...... KILL...... you.....
Human: I should be going now.
Sun: LET ME KILL YOU!
Human: *Screams his last sound*