Humans jokes
If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.
What do you call gun ammunition made out of human babies?
Project-childs.
(Projectiles)
Kris looks like a Neanderthal. The only difference is that Neanderthals serve a purpose in HUMAN HISTORY.
What is the toughest part of the human body?
Anal hair, all the shit that they go through.
What is the difference between gross and kinky according to a Canadian?
Using a toothpick to remove human feces between your teeth after licking another person's ass is gross, but performing a blowjob on a man who is well-endowed while he is eating a tuna fish sandwich, with maple syrup instead of mayonnaise, is kinky.
A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.
"New around here?" said the bartender.
"Nah, been here a while," said the robot.
Bartender "You can talk?"
Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."
Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"
Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"
The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.
The robot seems to be just like a normal human.
"Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.
"The top minds in the world," said the robot.
The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."
Bartender, "What?"
"Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"
I knew the human race made mistakes, but you're the worst I've seen so far...
Where is the most dangerous place for a human being to be?
In the womb of a woman who wants to abort her unborn baby. 😢
God creates a mosquito :)
God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.
Angel: okay... a bug.
God: now give it’s face a sword, but it has a hole so it’s basically a mouth.
Angel: weird... but okay...
God: and give it wings.
Angel: eh, not half bad Go-
God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS
Angel: *shook* o-okay
God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.
Angel: .-.
God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give ‘em a taste ‘o that! *evil grin*
Angel: *cries*
Angel: *whispers; I’m so sorry..*
How many cats are in the human body?
None, unless you're Asian.
I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.
The things you do for your cousins!
What did a tree do for a human rights day at a tree?
I had no time today after a night with you today, but you walk away.
What is the difference between the human and a tree and a house that has to walk home and walk walk home from school? Was your name in your house? I did not have any good time for dinner today, but I did have a good night's sleep.
Chuck Norris met God once. Now God is the puny human.
The cannibal says to the other cannibal, "I like it when humans fall from the sky because then they are meateor."
Orphans are human too! They have parents like all of us, so I don't know why they're saying it's fun to make fun of an orphan. Have you ever been too cold and wondered if your parents are going to have another child and not you? That's not funny! It is %9000,000 NO!!!!!!!!!!
What is the difference between a human and a tree and yyyyy night I can drive yyy earth 🌏?
What's the worst living thing on planet earth?
Humans.
If Eve sacrificed the human race for an apple, what would she do for a Klondike bar?
Unfortunately, NASCAR has been canceled.
The woke people heard that it was a human traffic ring.