Humans jokes
What do humans and monkeys have in common? They both hang from trees.
Why doesn’t Jesus trust humanity anymore?
Because he doesn’t wanna get double-crossed.
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
My aunt worked as a human cannonball.
I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.
How do blondes play real-life Jenga?
By stacking humans.
How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.
Woman aren't human anyways... lol.
Papyrus: HUMAN, WHY ARE YOU SAD?
Me: I'm just BONELY.
Sans: Good one kiddo.
Did you know Paul Walker was a method actor? He took his role very seriously as a human torch.
I'm 50% human, so that 50% stupid is 100% you.
What do you call a protest that gets crowded?
Human trafficking.
Papyrus was playing with the human, but then Papyrus fell and he broke the cell bone of the human.
What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.
Yo mama's so fat that Jane Goodall couldn't tell if she was a chimpanzee or a human being.
Papyrus: Sans! I heard that a HUMAN has fallen!
Sans: And you gotta bone to pick with 'em?
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
Why doesn't Voldemort have a human nose?
Because his snake bit it off!
What is the difference between gross and kinky according to a Canadian?
Using a toothpick to remove human feces between your teeth after licking another person's ass is gross, but performing a blowjob on a man who is well-endowed while he is eating a tuna fish sandwich, with maple syrup instead of mayonnaise, is kinky.
How do rapists justify murdering a young innocent human being?
Same way as pro-aborts, by saying "My body, my choice!"
Why did the butt let out a fart?
Answer: To wipe out humanity!