Humans jokes

What do humans and monkeys have in common? They both hang from trees.

Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.

Why doesn't Voldemort have a human nose?

Because his snake bit it off!

While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!

Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.

Papyrus: HUMAN, WHY ARE YOU SAD?

Me: I'm just BONELY.

Sans: Good one kiddo.

My aunt worked as a human cannonball.

I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.

How do blondes play real-life Jenga?

By stacking humans.

How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.

Woman aren't human anyways... lol.

Papyrus was playing with the human, but then Papyrus fell and he broke the cell bone of the human.

What do you call a protest that gets crowded?

Human trafficking.

I'm 50% human, so that 50% stupid is 100% you.

Did you know Paul Walker was a method actor? He took his role very seriously as a human torch.

If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?

"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."

Papyrus: Sans! I heard that a HUMAN has fallen!

Sans: And you gotta bone to pick with 'em?

Yo mama's so fat that Jane Goodall couldn't tell if she was a chimpanzee or a human being.

What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.

How do rapists justify murdering a young innocent human being?

Same way as pro-aborts, by saying "My body, my choice!"

Why did the butt let out a fart?

Answer: To wipe out humanity!

What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.

"I created the Human Torch."