Hows jokes
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
A young man was crossing the road when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." The man took the frog, smiled at it, and put it in his wallet.
The frog called out again, "If you kiss me and I turn into a princess, I will live with you for a week and do everything you want." The young man took the frog out, smiled, and put it back.
Then the frog called out, "Okay, okay! I will be with you and do whatever you want forever!" The young man laughed and put it back in his wallet.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is wrong with you? I'm offering to be a beautiful princess! Why won't you kiss me?"
The young man said, "Listen, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is pretty cool."
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
I'm really worried for Stephen Hawking, 'cause how is he going to climb the stairway to Heaven?
Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?
Mother: He died.
Daughter: How did he die?
Mother: He never got recharged.
"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."
"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."
How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.
A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."
Q: How do you get the retard kid out of the tree?
A: Wave at him.
How do you cure a ginger?
Chemotherapy.
How do you blindfold an Asian? String!
How come I have a father but not a dad?
He was a priest.
Do you know how to make 4 Albanians stand on a shoebox?
Just tell them that it floats.
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poker Face.
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.
How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?
He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!
🤔 ❓ How do lesbians 😳 practice safe 🙏 sex they put condoms on dildos and then they put dildos inside of their 👄 👄 👄 mouths and then they perform fellatio on them
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?
4!
One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"
What is similar between sex and fishing?
It doesn't matter how deep you go, it matters how you wiggle the worm.