Hows jokes
How does a disabled person play chess?
I think you forgot they don't have legs.
Q: How tall was Hitler's grass? A: *Hitler salute* about this high!
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
How is sex like air?
It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
Just saying this, but I hate how many little kids there are on this site, and when they post, they have the worst posts about "sex", so I'm just saying how they act immature.
Mummy, how was I born?
Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."
Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.
Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.
Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?
Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!
How old is a blue plane?
Blue.
Have you ever wondered how your teachers would look if they were 20 years younger than they actually are? I bet some of them would be smoking hot. Especially my 25-year-old English teacher. I'd bang her if she were 20 years younger.
There are 4 people on an airplane, and the pilot has a heart attack and dies. The plane is going down, and there are also only 3 parachutes. So the guy who knows how to cure cancer says, "I’m jumping. I can save many lives." Then the 46th president, Joe Biden, says, "I’m taking the 2nd one." So there is only one left. Donald Trump says to the 7-year-old girl, "I have lived a long life. You can take the next one." So the little girl says, "That’s ok; the 46th president took my backpack." Lol.
Um, I need help. How should I deal with depression?
Joke: I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.
The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!
How do birds pay? With their bills!
How did the cheetah greet other animals?
Cheetah: "Nice to eat you."
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.
How do Mexicans begin counting?
Juan, Two, Three.
How do you make an emo mad at you?
Cut the rope.