Hows jokes
"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."
"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."
A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."
How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.
How do you blindfold an Asian? String!
Do you know how to make 4 Albanians stand on a shoebox?
Just tell them that it floats.
me when i realized that buildings don't make earth any heavier cuz all the materials were already used on it.
How come I have a father but not a dad?
He was a priest.
How do you cure a ginger?
Chemotherapy.
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poker Face.
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.
How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?
He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!
🤔 ❓ How do lesbians 😳 practice safe 🙏 sex they put condoms on dildos and then they put dildos inside of their 👄 👄 👄 mouths and then they perform fellatio on them
How do you get away with rape? Identify as transgender. Women can never be accused of rape, obviously
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
What is similar between sex and fishing?
It doesn't matter how deep you go, it matters how you wiggle the worm.
How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?
4!
One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"
How do you punish a blind man?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Q: How do you make a door cry?
A: Twist its knob.
Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?
A: Look in a mirror.
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her, "Can you stop smacking? It's annoying." Then she said, "I can't, it's a juicy type of candy." So I said, "I can stop the candies from making that sound." Then she said, "How?" So I smacked her. :)