Hows jokes

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

What did the balls say to the dick?

Hey dick, how's it hanging?

How do you make Stephen Hawking mad?

You turn off the WiFi router.

How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.

How was copper wire invented?

Two Jewish people fighting over a penny.

How do terrorists feed their babies?

Here comes the airplane...

HERE COMES THE SECOND ONE 👹

How many white police officers does it take to push an African-American gentleman down the stairs?

Push?! He fell...

I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.

How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?

I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣

A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.

The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"

The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"

How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?

Mufasa.

I'm really worried for Stephen Hawking, 'cause how is he going to climb the stairway to Heaven?

"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."

"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."

A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."

How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.

How come I have a father but not a dad?

He was a priest.

How do Chinese people name their baby? They throw pots down the stairs: bing bong ching chong.

How do you blindfold an Asian? String!

How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

Poker Face.

How do you cure a ginger?

Chemotherapy.