Hows jokes
Four cows went to the county fair. They saw a sign that said that next year animals can enter a singing contest. They decided that they would enter next year. So they called their group the "4 Cs Quartet" since their names were Clementine, Candy, Cookie, and Columbine.
They discovered how they could win. After a discussion, they decided to eat as much corn as possible, so they would sing in perfect 4 part hominy.
How does an Indian open his car?
"Boot, boot!" (in an Indian accent)
How do you boil holy water?... You boil the hell out of it!
Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"
The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"
A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"
How did Michael Jackson get away with it?
He's a smooth criminal.
When your legs forget how to work after leg day, I can't climb the stairs.
Michael Myers right behind me. Runs like I'm a track star!
People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?
I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.
How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?
I don't fuck my mother all day long. I fuck my mother for only 6 hours a day. Sometimes it's 7-8 hours. It depends on how busy my siblings and father are with their work.
How do you make a baby float?
You take your foot off its head.
How do you surprise a blind guy?
Say, "Surprise!"
How does a disabled person play chess?
I think you forgot they don't have legs.
Q: How heavy is a photon?
A: It's light!
How do you know that your sister is on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes weird.
How do you name a disabled Asian?
Throw the wheelchair down the stairs.
How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.
How do you know if a comedian is high?
Comedian: Why did the wings cross the road? To get to chicken.
On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?
No matter how big the jar, there is one thing that can never fit inside it. What is it?
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.