Hows jokes

I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?

How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!

A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"

Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."

"The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"

How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?

Change your name to "Rape."

How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!

Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?

A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.

How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice. Wipe your bloody cock off on her favourite teddy bear after you’ve finished raping her

How is sex like a game of bridge?

If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.

"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.

The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"

The old man replied, "You're the eighth."

How do you get a depressed kid out of a tree? You cut the rope.

Hey guys, how was your day?

If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.

I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.

How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.

How are Fortnite cards and orphans similar? They're given away.

How do you help a starving cannibal?

You give him a hand!

Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

Why are orphans bad at basketball?

They haven't learned how to keep the ball with them.

How do you turn a Chinese person into an American? Put a bag of ice on their eyes.

How does a disabled man go to church? He can't, there's no ramp.