Hows jokes
How did the burglar get into my house?
Intruder window.
I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."
You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"
How are peppers 🌶 so nosey?
They get jalapeño business.
Im so special
Mother: How is my little cookie doing?
Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
How are Tinder and orphans alike?
You swipe left till you find the one you like.
The people in the Democratic Party are how I like my coffee.
Black and bitter.
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
How to make time fly?
Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.
How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man into giving him a blowjob?
The gay man asks the heterosexual man if he wants to give him a "brojob."
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know how to hit a home run.
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
How is smoking similar to oral sex?
The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢
Guess how I got away from my mom saying I can't play Fortnite? I took my stuff and I ran to Iran.
How do you shut Helen Keller up?
You give her mittens.