Hows jokes
How are Tinder and orphans alike?
You swipe left till you find the one you like.
How to make time fly?
Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man into giving him a blowjob?
The gay man asks the heterosexual man if he wants to give him a "brojob."
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
Memes
godd
How did the retard win the break dancing competition?
He saw flashing lights.
Q: How do you get the retard kid out of the tree?
A: Wave at him.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know how to hit a home run.
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
How do you put an end to MeToo? Just fill those combined showers with transgender women.
Guess how I got away from my mom saying I can't play Fortnite? I took my stuff and I ran to Iran.
How is smoking similar to oral sex?
The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢
How do you shut Helen Keller up?
You give her mittens.
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.
How are laundry and Michael Jackson related?
They both got bleached!
How do prisoners call each other? Cell phones.
I found out how to gain millions of followers.
Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
A 28 year old woman, Olga, in Meshchovsk, Russia took justice into her own hands when a 32 year old male robber, Viktor, decided to rob her salon. She tied him, feeding him only Viagra, having sex with him over and over. After a few days, she released him after he stated he learned his lesson and wouldn't go to the police. He lied and went to the police anyways. Both were arrested.
After his sentence was over, Viktor sat down to speak to the local news. The reporter asked Viktor, "How was this whole ordeal?" Viktor replied, "I've had better."
Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?
A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.