Hows jokes
How do you help a constipated person?
You scare the shit out of them!
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
How many babies does it take to make dinner?
Three to four; there's not a lot of meat on them.
How do Chinese people play in Spy?
They can't.
How do you blow up an Indian person?
You press the red button.
Me 6 years ago when I be opening a chip bag :
How do bitches talk about body positivity when they have no body to even be positive about?
Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles. His teacher asked, "Three birds were sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied, "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said, "No, but I like the way you think!"
Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said, "Little Johnny!" He replied, "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"
How many genders are there?
One, women are property.
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.
How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.
How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.
My pencil sharpener when I bleed:
And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
You know we straight with doin' your mom
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
You know we straight with doin' your mom
I’m doin' your mom. Yes yours!
I first saw her in the Wal-Mart pickin' out your drawers.
Big Dolly Parton hair like an 80s prom queen
But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom-jeans.
I approached her in the checkout line, and said yo baby wassup?
She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin' at her jugs.
Five minutes later she agreed to get with me
So we went and rocked the minivan like Giggity. Giggity. Giggity.
I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart.
I gave her a lift back to her crib cause her car wouldn’t start.
She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.
How many times I tap that ass? OVER 9000!
Yeah. She called me Pledge cause I knocked the dust off it.
She later made me a sandwich and she cut the crust off it.
Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young
To be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
Doin' doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom
You know we straight with doin' your mom
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
How is the business in Ukraine? It's booming.
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.
How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.
How do you stop a heterosexual woman from sucking your dick? piss inside her mouth
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.
Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?
Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.