Hows jokes
Milk makes you tall, right?
Well how did you get tall if your dad didn't come back with the milk?
How did Michael Jackson challenge the victim's parents? "Then why won't you slap my face, because I'm bad?"
How do you anger a democrat?
Don't tell him the truth.
I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."
How do you call a very long terrorist?
9/11.
How old is uuuuuurrrr mom?
Five.
Cringe.... I know that was a crap joke... not even a joke.
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house? A: Your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and 2 hours later he's still trying to back out of the driveway.
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
I was once caught doing it with a 16 year old in my bedroom. Boy, was my wife mad. She yelled "HOW CAN YOU F*** OUR DAUGHTER?!". Haha, yeah, she was mad.
Anyways, that's why your mother and I are getting a divorce, Timmy.
You’ll parsley believe how many puns I have. Hopefully your funny-bone isn’t broken because these are real rib-ticklers.
1. What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho cheese.
2. Knock, knock. Who's there? Ash. Ash who? Achoo!
3. How does the ocean say hello? He waves.
4. Why can't Elsa have a balloon? Because she will let it go.
5. What do you call your enemy? You don't call it at all.
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."
Konan was having sex on the couch, thinking how he'd come so far.
How do cows like to play games? Moobile (Mobile).
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
How is sex like air?
It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
How does the cheetah do in every race?
It’s always a cheetah.
How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.