Hows jokes
How did the Skeleton know it was gonna rain?
He read the weather forecast.
How does a booty stay in shape?
It works its glutes off!
How do skyscrapers make friends?
They reach out.
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
How do you name a Chinese kid?
Throw a frying pan on their head, "Ching Chong!"
Me: Hey! Do you know how to tie a knot?
Person: Yea, why?
Me: Cause I need help tying this noose :)
What's a chair's favorite snack?
Chair-ies or Cherries if that's how you wanna spell it .3.
How did the blind girl get a date?
She said it was love at first sight.
How do you get a Japanese fanclub? Walk around with a bundle of gas masks!
How do you make an elephant float?
One elephant, two scoops of ice cream, and a lot of root beer!
If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?
Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?
Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.
Student: Ok!!
Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?
Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.
Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.
Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.
I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.
How's it going @#$!
How do you know when you're disliked?
When they always give you the camera for group photos.
Chuck Norris gets paid $2 million a month training Bear Grylls how to survive in the “harshest conditions on earth.”
Bro never learned how to play Jenga. 🙄
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
It's this girl named Deaf, what a weird name, but I know that 'cause I was ear hustling.
But anyway, everytime I call her, she doesn't answer. I wanna clap some cheeks tonight, how could she hate me when she don't know me?
Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.