Hows jokes

How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"How do you breathe through something so small?"

How do you blow up an Indian person?

You press the red button.

This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.

How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2

-Harpoon it.

How did the octopus go to the war?

Well armed.

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

To get to the other side!

How does a Muslim close a door? He islams it.

How does the bunny keep his fur neat?

With a hare brush.

How do you get a dishwasher to shovel snow? Give the bitch a shovel.

How many fingers am I holding up?

Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.

How do we know that the ocean is friendly? It waves.

Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... Sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.

How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.

Guy: Do you know how to draw women's rights?

Girl: No, how?

Guy: All you need is a blank paper, and that's it.

How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?

None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.

How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!

Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Wanna go ride a bike?

I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?