Hows jokes

How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?

Once you take away the legs and the breasts, you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.

How do you make a sad person jump?

A bridge.

How do rappers keep themselves clean?

They drop SOAP BARS.

How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.

How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?

Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.

How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.

How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.

How do fat people settle arguments?

By bumping into each other to see who falls over first.

How do you tell the difference between a Palestinian elementary school and a terrorist training camp?

Answer... I don't know, I just fly the drone.

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.

How to get quick cash:

Step 1: Kill a child's parents.

Step 2: Do foster care for them.

Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.

How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2

-Harpoon it.

How do you blow up an Indian person?

You press the red button.

How did the octopus go to the war?

Well armed.

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

To get to the other side!

How does the bunny keep his fur neat?

With a hare brush.

How did the USA beat Japan in rapping?

By dropping two of the biggest roasts.

How do we know that the ocean is friendly? It waves.

How many fingers am I holding up?

Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.

Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... Sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.

How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.