Hows jokes
Chuck Norris once said that he didn't like the plane he was riding in. Out of sadness, the plane committed suicide. How, you ask? Ask the Twin Towers.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
How do you start a school shooting at a black school?
Call the cops.
My pencil sharpener when I bleed:
And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.
How do necrophiles get consent? A ouija board.
Why are Japanese people's eyes so squinted?
Do you know how bright an atomic bomb is?
How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
Eclipses it!
How does NASA organize a party? -- They planet.
Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.
My depression: hey, what's up!
Me: go away.
My depression: well how rude.
Me: 🙄.
My depression: remember that one time......
Me: no, don't even.
My depression: that we.....
Me: nope.
My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.
Me: 😳😶😟.
My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
How to punish a blind kid, rearrange his bedroom.
Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.
How are rape and airplanes similar?
The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.
How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)
Do trees shit?
Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?
How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?
Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
A: Either way they'll kill your dog.
What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?